Saturday, July 31, 2010

Frat-Boy Gourmet: Coq au Vin

People are afraid of french food. This is probably because the french want you to be afraid. I'm not sure why, but this is the case. Anyhow I found this recipe in Deus Ex while sneaking in the back door of a cafe in dystopian paris, so I'm sure its super authentic.

  • 1lb chicken
  • 1 Tbsp butter
  • 1 medium onion chopped into 1.5 inch cubes (or 5oz shallots)
  • 1/2 cup thin sliced carrots
  • 1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
  • 4 slices bacon chopped into 2 inch slices
  • 1/2 cup chicken stock
  • 1 cup red wine
  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 1/2 Tsbp red wine vinegar
  • salt, pepper, & garlic to taste

  1. Melt butter in a large pan
  2. Brown chicken on medium heat for about 7 minutes and move to a larger pan.
  3. in the first pan fry bacon and vegetables, then move to the second.
  4. place wine, seasoning, and chicken stock in the first pan, bring to a boil for 2 minutes.
  5. pour flour over the second pan, then add the sauce to the second pan
  6. stir thoroughly
  7. cover and allow to simmer for 30 min.
  8. add the vinegar, then do your best to degrease.
  9. serve and enjoy.
Not hard, barely intimidating, and the most delicious thing you can eat that is that particular shade of purple.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Ethical Dilemma

So you're stuck on a desert island with a 4 year old child. You have all the food and water and shelter you could ever need, but you have no reasonable hope of rescue. The only literature available in the Twilight series. Does child grow up illiterate? If yes, what do you use it for first toilet paper or tinder?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The man they call Joss!

So, Joss Whedon has been tapped for the Avengers movie, with much nerd rejoicing. Based on Joss' habits I have few predictions for the film:
  • Scarlet Witch and Wasp get all the good dialogue
  • Captain America dies 40 minutes into the movie
  • The villain doesn't show up until the last act, with the real conflict being Bucky coming to grips with the realization of the truth of one's childhood heroes
  • At some point someone says "Avengers get all assble-y"
  • Thor makes snarky pop-culture references.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Highlander meets the Godfather meets Pulp Fiction on a train! A review.

Baccano is about...something complicated. There's three different mob factions, a pair of eccentric thieves, an explosive crazy crew, a political faction, a newspaper reporter, a sociopathic train conductor, and these guys who don't die. and they're all on an express train from Chicago to New York. Shit goes down there's shooting, stabbing, train-top fight sequences, lots of running around, the whole show is just chaotic mess. It's amazing.

The story-telling is fantastic. Not story-telling in that cinema-snob sense, I mean the way people tell stories, jumbled around going back to feel details as they come up with all the thread slowly weaving together into cohesive tapestry (the word tapestry gets over-used for this sort of thing but the weaving metaphor is solid and rug doesn't sounds as good). The animation is fluid in fight scenes and detailed in character moments and does a great job of capturing the prohibition era setting.

The characters are all unique, well-drawn and engaging although the big standouts for me a Isaac and Miria thieves ditzy enough to steal gold from the earth itself (yeah, mining) and not notice they haven't aged a day for seventy years. And Jacuzzi Splot (don't worry a lot of the names are stupid, you get used to it) a man who can stand onscreen crying like a baby (IT'S A NERVOUS CONDITION!!!!!!!), wailing like a little girl and still be the biggest badass in the whole show (which includes a slasher movie villain, an assassin, and a Joker-esque mob hitman). The acting on the dub is astoundingly good, a group of relative newcomers to the texas dub scene doing new york, chicago, and eastern european accent work that not only rings true but is vivid and expressive.

and to cap it all of it has a great big band jazz soundtrack.

you can watch it all here, for free, without breaking any laws right here

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Frat-boy gourmet presents: Manhattan chicken

The idea came to me in a dream,combine Bourbon Chicken and Orange Chicken into a single dish in the model of the Manhattan cocktail; and then I spent about a month dicking around trying to get the sauce right. but here it is

  • 4 chicken breasts
  • 3 oz soy sauce
  • 2 tsp dried minced onion
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup bourbon
  • 1/2 cup orange juice
  • 1/2 tsp garlic powder
  • 4 dashes angostura bitters
  • 1/8 cup balsamic vinegar (manliest of vinegars!)
  • 2/3 cup orange marmalade
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon sage
  • 1/4 tsp black pepper
  • combine soy sauce, bourbon, half of the orange juice, brown sugar, onions, bitters and garlic in a large baking dish
  • place chicken in dish and cover for 4-12hrs (longer is better [that's what she said])
  • preheat oven to 325 degrees (Celsius my backwards non-metric friends)
  • uncover and place chicken in oven, baste every ten minutes or so
  • after an hour place marmalde, vinegar, oil, sage, pepper, and the other half of the oj in a saucepan and stir over a low heat until smooth and thick (~2minutes).
  • cover chicken in orange sauce leaving some 1/3 of it aside for after everything is done baking and cook for another 20-30 minutes
  • remove pan from oven and coat with the remaining sauce
If you're the sort that cares for presentation (pansy!) i'd suggest a slice of orange and maraschino cherry on top of each breast.

Does it taste much like a Manhattan? not really. Is it fucking delicious? hells yeah.

Monday, January 25, 2010


It is possible to drop a cat so it won't land on its feet. Just hold it upside-down and drop it from height of 6 inches or lower.

Gods, I'm bored these days.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Fratboy Gourmet: Philly Cheese Steak Casserole

Disclaimer: I have never been to Philadelphia, so I have no idea how its authentic street meat is supposed to taste.

Further Disclaimer: Fuck Authenticity! This about awesomeness.

  • 2 Tbsp olive oil
  • 2 green peppers, sliced thin
  • 1 large onion, sliced thin
  • 2 tsp garlic powder
  • 3/4 tsp black pepper
  • 2 1/2 lbs steak sliced thin (lots of thin slicing, hope you've got decent knives)
  • 5 Tbsp Margarine
  • 1/4 c flour
  • 3/4 loaf calabrese bread
  • 1 bottle of beer (amber ales work best)
  • 2 tsp hot sauce
  • 1 tsp onion powder
  • 1/2 tsp paprika
  • 1 1/2 cups milk
  • 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 c shredded Montery Jack cheese
  • 1 c shredded Cheddar cheese
  • 8 oz sliced provolone cheese

Fuck that's a lot of ingredients but this really isn't that hard

  • tear the loaf into inch cubes and lay at the bottom of 9x13 baking dish
  • preheat oven to 350 degrees C
  • heat the oil in a large skillet/frying pan/wok
  • toss steak in the pan, brown for about 5 minutes
  • Add onions and half of the pepper and garlic
  • saute until steak and veggies are cooked through, then spread across the bread cubes
  • in a small pot melt the butter and whisk in flour
  • pour beer and stir until smooth
  • stir in remaining pepper and garlic add the paprika, onion powder, hot sauce and Worcestershire
  • As the concoction thickens add the milk
  • Add Jack and Cheddar and stir until melted
  • Pour sauce over the stuff in the pan, top with provolone slices
  • warm in oven, uncovered, until cheese melts